White Apricot
EXTREMELY NATURAL BEAUTY by Laurel House
Note: The following article contains adult language and may not be suitable for the easily grossed out...but it's pure Laurel House fun! go on...read it...you know you want to!
Now that we have finally come to the slightly depressing realization that many of our once favorite beauty products are in fact chemical cocktails in pretty shades (yes, I still pine for my MAC Spice lip liner), it seems that some of us are getting a bit excessive when it comes to extracting beauty from nature’s bounty. Yes, nip and tucking is being replaced by bird poop and bull semen. No joke. Not interested in animal excretions? How about allowing fish to nibble the calluses off your toes, or snakes to slither and leeches to suckle your spine for the sake of detoxification and relaxation? Yes, the new extremely natural “luxuries” are popping up at many of the most chic, albeit avant-garde, spas around the world.
ANIMAL EXCRETIONS
Can I first say that I am thrilled this is not another shitty treatment, but that doesn’t take away from the grotesqueness of lathering up your locks with bull sperm! The newest and possibly most mind-boggling “it” treatment in London is Hari’s Aberdeen Organic Bull Sperm Treatment. The Aberdeen-Angus semen is procured fresh from a farm in
Next week, I’ll introduce you to the most Extremely Natural animal experiences. Stay tuned…
A 30-year old born and bread Angeleno, Laurel House is a published author, nationally recognized magazine writer, healthy living spokesperson, national and local morning television show expert, and green living advocate. She is the co-author of “The Gurus’ Guide to Serenity” (HarperCollins 2004), co-author of “Raise the Barre” (HarperCollins 2006), and co-author “Star-Quality: The Red Carpet Workout for the Celebrity Body of Your Dreams” (Wiley 2008). In addition to books, she is a contributing Editor for Fit Yoga Magazine, the Beauty Editor for Healing Lifestyles and Spas Magazine, and writer for hundreds of articles printed in an array of publications including First for Women, Men’s Journal, Women’s Health, Elite Traveler, Vegetarian Times, Elegant Bride, Destination Weddings and Honeymoons, FHM and LA Daily News.
Her in-print expertise has led to regular television morning show appearances including: the Today Show weekend, Soap Talk (Soap Network),Daily Buzz, Modern Girl’s Guide to Life (E!), KTLA Morning News, CBS, Fox, NBC, and ABC Morning News shows both locally and nationally. Well-known wellness and lifestyle companies have engaged her as their on-air and in-person spokesperson including Sony, Guthy-Renker, Propel Water, Nature Made Vitamins, Danskin, and Olay beauty products. Most recently, she created Green IQ, an online carbon and environmental calulator and website, that offers information on how to incorporate more green into your daily life.
More than anything, Laurel is an advocate for a balanced green lifestyle. |
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Bird Dropping Facial
the trick! And, you can thank the technology of ultraviolet light to kill any lingering bacteria prior to face slathering, an advancement that those poor Geisha’s would have surely appreciated. So… there is a slight stench from the dried and powdered poop, but some say it is reminiscent of hay. Look, dog, human, bull or bird, it’s all shit to me. 
Bull Semen Hair Treatment
Cheshire, then combined with the Iranian plant root, Katera, creating a protein-rich concoction that, when applied to the hair as a mask and left on for 20 minutes, is said to penetrate deeply into each follicle leaving hair supremely moisturized, nourished, shiny, thick, yet light, and vivacious. Your hair should remain stimulated for several months…or so they say…which may be why this head treatment is known as “Viagra for hair!” Available at Hari’s in London 
LAUREL HOUSE
